When The Damage Is Done. Will You Be Waiting?

Don’t you see him; don’t you see the way he looks at you every time you pass one another? He tries so hard not to make it obvious but the way you make him feel is indescribable.

There are times when he sits down, not sure what to do. So many times he’s tried to find the right answer. The truth is, sometimes the right way isn’t enough. Not with her anyway. He could do a thousand deeds and she’d still not notice. Once they were close, now not so much. Maybe a hello here and there from time to time. For even knowing all of this, it still didn’t deter him from pursuing her.

Days would pass, each the same. One day he finally built up the nerve to ask her a question that had been on his mind for the longest time, "What went wrong between us? Why can’t we be like before?" He said.

She looked at him with a blank stare and replied, "I’m sorry, I have to go."

No explanation; nothing at all. He sat down on a bench watching her walk away. A few moments had passed; he had been laid back staring up into the sky when he heard a girl laugh and say, "Are you all right?" Without even looking, he nodded his head looking the other way. "Okay...have a good day." She said, as she left.

He spent hours on that bench, going over and over thinking of what he could have done so wrong that she didn’t even want to speak to him anymore. It’s not that he needed to be with her again, he just didn’t understand how they grew so far apart. That night, as he laid in bed, he tossed in turn.

He whispered to himself one thing before he fell asleep, "Give me an answer, I’ll be okay. I promise."

The next morning came quick; he woke up not really wanting to get out of bed. "What was in store for today? Could it possibly get any worse?" He wondered. There’s no way of avoiding her, he was going to have too swallow his pride and go about his day as if nothing was wrong. Even though everything was.

Throughout the day, she was all he could think about. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t get her off his mind. It was frustrating. He didn’t understand why he still felt the way he did for her. He sat out on that bench once again, staring off into the sky. Out of nowhere, a woman stood over him smiling. Blocking his view.

"Why do you do that?" She asked. He rose up; turning himself towards her and replied, "Why do I do what?"

She laughed, sitting down next to him. They introduced themselves to each other; while she talked all he could think about is how beautiful she is. She always smiled it seemed, laughing at his jokes even he didn’t think was very funny. Nevertheless, he felt like he had known her for the longest time.

"I’m sorry to cut this short, I have a few errands to run before it gets dark," she said. "Maybe we can get together later for coffee or something?" She asked before leaving. He nodded his head as they exchanged numbers.

Later that night they must have talked for hours, from an array of subjects. He just enjoyed getting to know her; the other girl was the last thing on his mind. After awhile she ended the night with a peck on his cheek and a long goodbye, neither of them wanting to go.

Over the next few weeks they met regularly, he loved to see her smile, and she loved that he could make her laugh. Everything seemed to be going perfectly, he hardly thought of the other girl anymore. Or dwelled on the unanswered questions he sought from her. It helped that he hadn’t seen her during this time as well.

That would all but change soon enough. While he was out one day, he stopped and sat down on the bench he had become so accustomed to. He stared off into the sky, thinking about a number of things. A large shadow covered him, he smiled thinking it was her and leaned forward. Only to realize it was the one who he tried so hard to get out of his head.

"Why? Why can’t you just go away? I’ve finally began to get over you and now here you are." He thought to himself.

She sat down beside him. He looked at her confusingly; there was a silence between them. An awkward moment neither was trying to break. She finally spoke, "I have something I think you should hear." She explained everything that was going on with her, how she felt like the only thing she could do is push him away. He really didn’t understand her, what could he do but accept it. Clouds had begun to cover the sky when they decided to part ways.

He was walking home when the rain started to fall. He hadn’t even noticed so many thoughts went through his head at once. As he turned the corner he looked up to see the girl he had became so infatuated with the past few weeks drenched from the rain, standing at his door.

"What are you doing standing out in the rain?!" He exclaimed, "I wanted to see you," she smiled.

A grin came across his face, and just as fast it went away. Still out in the rain he told her what happened not too long ago. She didn’t know what to think, or say. He kept his face turned away from her the whole time, then after a long pause she reached up and placed her hand on the side of face turning his head facing her.

"I can see you, but you don’t see me. I am right here, and I’m waiting. Waiting for you. So, are you going to keep me waiting?" She told him.

His smile returned as she said that, he placed his hand over hers and leaned in to kiss her. She began laughing, "It’s raining out here! Are you going to let me in the house or keep me waiting??"

He wrapped his arms around her, and finally kissed her. "I have you, what else is there to wait for?" He told her as they ran into the house.

On A Sunny Day

I woke up with the sun gleaming through the window, it was a pretty early morning, much earlier than I’m used to waking up. I got dressed and headed to the door, as I stepped out of the apartment it was crowded as usual. I laughed as I passed the old man cursing without shame, blabbering about last nights baseball game. The man is very passionate, he’s lived a full life. He spent much of his time telling groups of people some of his wacky stories here everyday.

I decided to stop and listen to him speak this morning.

He sat there, flailing his arms around exclaiming, "I tell ya, I love that woman but after 38 years of marriage. I still can’t get her off my damn back! She sat there in her rocking chair, nagging me to the bone. Now, I only have one good ear. She makes sure she talks directly into that ear. She hollered and ranted that the yard could have been raked. I’m an old man! How do you expect me to do that? Does she not know that my hip could come out at anytime?!"

I chuckled and walked away as he began another one of his stories. It was a nice day out, the wind was blowing, the sun as bright as can be. I always enjoy taking these long walks. Just to get away from the small confines of a room. Fresh air is good for the soul, at least, that’s what I was once told.

As I walked up ahead, there a young couple sitting on the bench waiting for the bus to come along. They weren’t shy to show their affection for one another. She’d laugh as he’d whisper something into her ear, who knows what he could be saying. She’d circle her finger on the back of his hand, the slightest touch spoke the loudest words. Sometimes the littlest of things can mean so much to someone. Realizing that they were being watched, she started to blush and laughed again. She held out her hand showing an engagement ring.

"He asked me to marry him last night! It was so sweet and unexpected, I couldn’t have wished for anything better." She said with a smile from ear to ear.

I smiled and congratulated both of them just before they boarded their bus. I sat on the bench for a while afterwards, watching people walk by once more. It seemed like everyone was out today; the streets were busy, the markets were full, restaurants turning people away. It sure was hectic, everyone in a rush, only focusing on their next destination.

I lost track of time by now, it was getting later and later into the day. The sun was setting soon it looked like. Growing up, I always knew this spot to just look out at the ocean and watch the sunset. It was an amazing sight. Not many people knew about this place, it was my place to go when I needed to get away and clear my head. Today was different, I only wanted to see the sunset. I walked over to the park where there was a large hill many people loved to hike up every day. By this time, everyone was heading home, the hill was all to myself. Or so I thought.

When I reached the top, there was a woman sitting beside the old oak tree. She was very pretty. I don’t know what came over me, I had this sudden urge to walk over towards her and sit down. The sun had begun to set. She looked at me smiling, then turned away to admire the view. My heart started beating faster, something about her took me away.

I leaned over and said, "Nice isn’t it?"

A few moments went by without a response, I sat there feeling like a fool. Until she replied, "My mother would bring me here as a child. She’d tell me stories as we watched the sun go down."

After that, we talked for hours. Never taking notice of the time. We enjoyed each others company. It was as if we had known each other for years. Time flew by so fast.

"I have to go. It’s getting late," She said giving me a kiss on the cheek and started to walk away.

Before I could say anything, she turned around and handed me a folded piece of paper. Smiling once again. I looked down at the note, opening it up. It was her number. I couldn’t help myself any longer, the biggest grin came across my face. This has been a great day, who knows what the future holds, today was just a moment to enjoy.

Alone Again

Surrounded by darkness, alone and scared. He calls out, "HELLO? Is anyone there?" The echo of his voice is deafening. Nobody to hear his cries for help. The boy begins to wander, not knowing which direction to go, hoping he’ll find a way out. Tired and confused he stops, nothing in sight, nobody to help. Crying, he falls to his knees. "Dear boy, why are you so afraid of this darkness?" A quiet voice says. Looking around the boy cries out, "Who's there?! Where are you?!?". "Dear boy, why are you so afraid of this darkness?" The voice echoes again. Confused by this voice he replied, "I’m alone...I don't know what to do."

A few minutes pass, once again the boy is alone. No longer does the mysterious voice question him. Gaining his composure, he rose off of the ground. So many thoughts rushed through his head at once, talking to himself he asks, "How did I get here? Where did that voice come from? Why can’t I get out of this place?"

Pushing those thoughts out of his head, he picks up his pace. Minutes seemed to go on for hours, hours seemed to go on for days. "Maybe it’s a dream! I’m sure to wake up soon, yeah it’s all just a dream!" He exclaimed. Pinching his arm, he cried out "Ow!" realizing that it may not be after all. Unable to go any further, he collapsed. The mysterious voice returned, "Rest now young one. I shall watch over you until you awake. Don’t let this darkness scare you, you’re not alone anymore."

Maybe it was the comfort of that mysterious voice where the boy was able to fall asleep so fast. The ground was hard and cold. Most people wouldn’t be able to bare the idea of even sleeping in such a desolate area. Yet he did, after awhile it almost feels of a familiar place. Kind of like the boys home, his parents didn’t show him much affection. His friends all but abandoned him. Such a lonely feeling it was, nobody around seen how much hurt was going through him. In a sense, the boy has always known what it’s like to be alone.

Laying on the ground so peaceful, he feels a hand touch his face. It felt so warm, he couldn’t help but be overwhelmed with emotions, tears began to fall. His own mother never comforted him like this before. It was something new, something that he couldn’t even describe if he was asked to. Suddenly the boy awoke, wiping away his tears, he looked around. Yearning for that moment just one more time. It was understandable, he may never feel that ‘love’ again in his own home. Finally he rose up off the ground, still exhausted, he looked around once more.

The voice returned, this time the boy wasn’t scared anymore. Standing so confidently the boy said, "This darkness doesn’t scare me. It’s being alone that I’m so afraid of. But...now I know, I’m really never alone. There will always be that warm touch I’ll remember. I felt loved, I felt the warmth..."

Before he could finish a light shined from behind him. "Could it be? No, it can’t be." He thought to himself.

"Go now boy, hurry, your light is closing. You don’t have much time!"

Panicked, he takes off, running faster than he ever has. It seemed like such a long ways away, he doesn’t think he’ll make it. The closer he gets the more the light begins too dim. "No! Please stay open!" he cries out. He’s there, it’s so warm, the same feeling he had when he fell asleep. Taking another step forward blinded him with light...it was of another world. Hearing voices around him, he begins calling out, hoping they’ll hear him. Yelling as loud as he could. "Up ahead, you’re almost there." The voice’s final words rang through.

The boy awoke to more bright lights, looking around he sees both of his parents asleep, having no recollection of why he’s there he yells out, "Mom...Dad...what happen..?" They awoke. Rushing over to his side, his mother in tears, his dad trying to be strong starts to cry. It’s that feeling again he thought to himself, his eyes begin to fill with tears.

"I’m not alone...I’m never alone.." He said.

I Am...

I lie awake at night: sleepless, alone, and cold. Searching the depths of my dark mind. Putting together a puzzle of misery. Always searching for that dim light of hope. Few and far between does it come.

When it’s there, in front of your face. Will you even recognize it? Probably not. See, the thing is, the darkness has it’s claws sunk in as deep as they can go. It wants you to bleed, too hurt as much as possible. It laughs when you’re down, it screams of joy ring through the stale dark night.

Oh, how it’s so suffocating. I can barely breathe, it’s finally winning. I have succumbed to its will. These chains tear me to the ground as if they’re apart of my very being. The soul is black, once full of life, once full of hope. Never again, too far gone now. There’s no one to save me. I can’t even save myself.

You’ve done it, you’ve taken away every piece of me. Aspirations? There are none. Friends? They stopped caring. Family? No one to listen. Darkness, you sure are a clever creature, I give you that. What was once my strengths, you’ve managed to rip away from me.

I am no longer myself, I am a silhouette of nothingness. I am unrecognizable.

Take that grin off of your face, you’re so selfish. You’re all the things that aren’t meant to be. Yet, you’re here, in plain site.

There’s no escaping, is there? You’ve got a hold of me, and won’t let go. To cry is pointless, stand up to fight and your chains bring me crashing to the ground. Should I give up? No, not just yet. Even with all this darkness around me, there is something that drives within. Come out. Show yourself.

I have no name, I am the loner, I am suffering.

I am the light that fights back each day even when there is nothing but darkness. Really, that little dim of light, is shining through. I am the light that climbs through the depths of that dark mind to show everything you’re not. Because, dear friend Darkness. I am not you.

You may have me by the chains, but you shall never truly take hold of me.