Fucking shit.

Sometimes you never realize how much you love someone until after they've moved on, rightfully so. There was a time I took advantage of what we were. I don't know if I could even tell you what we were back then to this day. However, there is one thing I do know, we sure did have a good time. We connected with each other from day one. The first time we spoke I knew that you were someone special. I couldn't believe you wanted to talk too me, we seemed to be polar opposites but in the end we were very much alike.

As time started to go on I found you to be this amazing person, beyond just your looks. Because sweets, you were beyond gorgeous. We knew how to make each other happy. In the moments that we shared I'll never forget the feeling you gave me each time we spoke. Them are the times I still wish we had to this day.

So what happens when everything seems to be so perfect then all of a sudden you're world is crashing down around you? I wanted to blame you for everything that happen, but I couldn't. I knew it was my fault. You meant the world to me and I could never tell you. You moved on to someone else who is able to make you happy now, perhaps even more so than I did. I cant help but feel a little sad about the situation.

There are a lot of things I wish I could have done over again. Most of all, I wish I could have told you something.

I wish I could have told you I loved you before you left.

Just needed to write some more.

You're such a sad person you know that? While you're down in the dumps there is someone who is living their life as if there is no tomorrow. Why aren't you? Nothing has changed, it's the same shit every single day. As much happiness as they bring you it's still not enough. You need something more, you need something that defines you. Maybe you've already found that but in my eyes you're still a nobody. In my eyes you're weak because you won't be the person you're supposed to be. I see so much want in you it's exhausting. The want to succeed, the want to be someone important, the want to know what it's like to feel anothers embrace as if you were the only person who mattered. Think about it, isn't it overwhelming? Doesn't it hurt knowing you haven't done any of this? It's just not what you "want" it's what you need as well. The need to be important.

Let's be honest here, you're not that important. If you were to leave here tomorrow, other than your family how many others would be deeply affected by your passing? Or maybe I'm being too hard on you. Maybe you are more important than you know. Too bad you don't believe that, even though there is a high possibility that it's true. You've heard people say it, but they're so far away it's almost deafening, so far out of reach that those words are few and far between. Give it time and you will see whether or not they care for you as much as you them.

It's a shame what a persons mind will go through when they're alone. Some people are able to thrive on it, and in some ways you do. In more ways than one you have this problem. Connection, what a strange word. You don't get pissed off like a regular person, hell you can't even hide it when it's all over your face. You just say "fuck it" and move on cause that's how your brain is wired. It's hard to change that type of mind-set when you've been like that for so long. Do you care so little or too much that you don't know how to express it? Either way it's fucking up the type of person you are.

Wander around in the depths of your mind and unlock the doors to uncover this illicit facade you put on every single day while everyone thinks your okay. You're not okay. You're not the person who you want to be. I challenge you to find that person.

Look up, look in the mirror, I am you. Find me.

I just needed to write something..no title needed.

What must it take to not have to think about you anymore? I've tried ten times over and the result is always the same. I can't help but be drawn back to you. Maybe it's your eyes, your lips, or even your body. No, it's much more than that. It's not just sexual attraction, although you're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid my eyes upon. There is something else about you that has me racking my brain inside and out. I don't know if your words are trickery or if you really mean what you say. One night it seems too good to be true while the next is as if nothing ever happened. When I dream, I dream of you. When I'm awake, I'm thinking of you.

It's infuriating if you really think about it. I can ask myself a thousand times "Why?" and never have an exact answer. I play it over like a broken record, why I can't be the one for you, why does it have to be them? Do I not make you laugh as much as they do? Do I not show you how much you mean to me? Or is it just that, too much "I" and not enough "you." Heh, either way it probably doesn't make a difference. I should have known from the start that falling in love with you was a mistake. I can't even bring myself to call it a mistake, that's how much I care about you. As much pain as you cause me I wouldn't trade it for anything else. At least...at least it's my pain.

Maybe one day I'll learn to let go, but for now it seems as if I'll carry this burden for awhile. You probably know exactly how I feel and still ignore it. I could be angry at you, at the same time I can't blame you. I love you for who you are and I wish every night I had the guts to tell you that. I want to ask you a single question except I'm scared of the answer, scared that you'll say the very thing I don't want to hear even though every action you make already answers it. So I'll sit and talk to you, I'll love you despite the fact you ignore what I have to give, and I'll hold on to your place in my heart until the very last piece crumbles away because that is how I've built my heart around you.