I Could Dream Forever

Last night I closed my eyes and dreamed of you. Even now I can still see you turning towards me with those heart gripping brown eyes. Flashing your smile that brings out the most primal feelings within me. Oh, you are a sight to behold. Your hand gently caressing my face sent chills down my spine. My heart raced. You whispered into my ear.

"Walk with me," she said.

You lead me outside, down a path I've never seen before. It was dark, but I felt like I could see everything ever so clearly. Your pace was quicker than mine, never out of reach, never rushing. It was as if time didn't matter. I became entranced, I lost count of how far we had walked until there was a light peaking through up ahead. You turned towards me.

"We're here," she smiled.

My chest tightened. It was hard to breathe. You grabbed my hand, pulling me along. I wanted to clench your hand and pull you towards me but I couldn't. Something was preventing me. You stared back with a puzzled look. You said something. I couldn't make it out. Your smile begins to fade. I see it in your face. Your losing hope. You want me to come with you. I stare back, but with no expression. I want to go with you. I really do.

"I'm sorry," I say.

You stepped forward grabbed my hand again and kissed my cheek.

"Come on!" she exclaimed.

I start walking with her now. The tightness in my chest is still there. Apprehension, maybe. Excitement. I still don't know. Almost out of a movie, the light dissipates into a serene beach environment. The water crystal blue. The sun gleaming down with no cloud in sight. The temperature just right. I looked back at her. Your back was turned away from me. You were walking towards a house that what seemed to have appeared out of nowhere.

"Where are we?" I asked.

You didn't answer. After a few seconds I started following you again. You had already reached the steps when you looked at me and smiled. You opened the door and walked in. I quickened my pace not wanting to lose sight of you. I walked into the house where you were nowhere to be found. This place looked familiar. Though I was fairly sure I had never been here before. I called out to you but there was no answer. I started wandering through the house. There were pictures on the wall of you. As a child, one with your mother, another with your siblings. So full of life.

I just stood there for the longest time staring at these pictures. I felt your hand gently rest on the back of my shoulder, pulling me to turn towards you. There was no smile. The look in your eyes was so intense. You stepped within inches of me. Not uttering a single word leaned towards me and our lips touched. My heart raced. I pushed the hair out of your face.

"I want you to stay with me, please, don't leave me again" I pleaded.

You tried looking away but I wouldn't let you. I needed you to say something. Anything. When our eyes met I could see the tears begin to fall. I pulled you closer towards me. Your head propped against my shoulder.

"We have something that no one else has. We want to be with each other. We miss each other when we're gone. So why is it so hard for us? Why do we continue hurting each other?" she asked.

I had no answer. You were right, after all. I loved you like no other. All we've done is hurt each other. This was our chance, though. We could be together. Nothing was stopping us. Nothing. Yet we were both so hesitant.

"I love you," she said.

My heart must have stopped for a moment in time, "I love you too." I replied.

As I leaned in to kiss her everything went black. You were gone. I was alone again.

Light started trickling through I finally realized what was happening. It was a dream all along. I was fully awake now. The feelings I had was painstakingly still there. Reality had sunk in.

Dreams were the only place I could go to see your beautiful face anymore. Damn girl, I'm finally forced to face the truth.

If only I could dream forever, I'd dream of you.

A Mother, A Son, and A Game.

This is just a short story I had an idea about last night before I went to sleep, figured I'd write it up. Just so we're clear this is a work of fiction. Nothing true or related to myself!

"Mom, I really want this new game!" Jackson said.

His mother frowned, "Jack, you know we don't have the money right now."

"Mom! Come on. I never ask you for anything." Jackson desperately pleaded.

His mother frowned again, this time with a more stern voice. "No, son. I'm sorry. Why don't you go around the neighborhood and see if you can do anything to earn the money?"

Jackson smiled, why hadn't he thought of that?

"I'm eleven, mom. What can I do?"

"I don't know, son. Get creative." She whisked him out the door and waved

He waved good bye to his mother as he left.

"Well, what can I do?" Jackson wondered.

He started walking down the street still thinking of things he could do to earn some extra money. "Hey Jack, how's it going buddy?" Mr. Reynolds said as he was pulling into his drive way.

"Pretty good," Jack replied, "trying to earn some extra money."

"Oh, that's great. Say, I'm putting together the kids playground set. Would you like to help? I'll give you five dollars." Mr. Reynolds offered.

"Sure! I'm not good at building though." Jackson admitted.

Mr. Reynolds laughed, "Trust me, I'm awful at it myself. But per wife's orders, I can't ignore it any longer."

As he got out of his car, his two children walked outside with their mother and waved. "Hey sweetheart, how was your day?" Mr. Reynolds asked.

"Good, you know what a handful these two are. We have to go out. I trust by the time we get back you'll have the playground up?" Mrs. Reynolds asked arching her eye brow.

"Yeah, Jack and I got this! We'll figure it out." Mr. Reynolds smiled.

"Figure it out?" Mrs. Reynolds arching her eye brow again.

"Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't worry, honey. We'll get it done. Look at Jack's face, he's intent!"

Jack shrugged and smiled.

As Mrs. Reynolds and her kids pulled away, Jackson and Mr. Reynolds got to work. "Jack, can you go grab my tools in the garage? Make sure you grab the flat head screwdriver as well. We can get this bad boy out of the way in just a few hours."

Hours? I'm not being paid enough. Jackson thought. Jackson did as Mr. Reynolds asked and helped him assemble the playground.

"Thanks for your help, Jack. I really appreciate it. I know my kids will also."

"No problem, Mr. Reynolds. I have to go now. Good bye."

With a bruised thumb from a few miscalculated hammer misses, Jackson walked home with his five dollars and head held high feeling proud of himself. Over the next few days he was able to collect more money from around the neighborhood. He cut Ms. Benham's yard and watered her flowers. Mr. and Mrs. Foley both needed their car washed. And Ms. Jones wanted Jackson to carry boxes down to her basement. It was hard work, but Jackson knew if he wanted his game he was going to have to do it.

As he walked in through his door, his mother smiled at him.

"How was your day?" She asked.

"Good. I earned fifteen dollars. I just need fifteen more for my game." Jackson gloated.

"Awesome, sweety. I'm proud of you." She gave a proud and comforting smile back to him.

Exhausted and sore, Jackson headed towards his room, "I'm tired though. I'm heading to bed. Goodnight mom!"

"Goodnight. I love you." His mother replied.

Jackson yawned, "Love you too, mom."

Later that night Jackson woke up to get something too drink. As he walked down the stairs he could hear his mother crying. He didn't want to say anything, he just stood there and watched for a moment. He knew why she was crying. Bills again. His mother worked hard to keep them afloat. She would sometimes have to take on two jobs just to get through the month. It never seemed to affect her though, she always had a smile on her face. Except this time. He had never seen her cry before, it was heart breaking to watch. He should have walked over to her and gave her a hug, or some sense of condolence. He didn't. Jackson walked back up the stairs and went to sleep again.

The next day he stared at his mother while eating breakfast. She looked at him and smiled, the same smile that she always gives him. As if nothing is wrong. He knew better, of course.

"I have to go out today, Jack. Will you be okay while I'm gone?" His mother asked.

"Sure mom. I have to go help the Rodger's pack. They're giving me the rest of the money I need." He replied.

"That's great. I heard they were moving up north. Please tell them I said goodbye and to be safe. I should be back by the time you're done." She said.

He walked over to the Rodger's house where there was a big rental truck backed into their drive way. Mr. Rodger's was already loading some boxes into the truck.

"Hey Mr. Rodgers." Jackson said.

"Hey kiddo. You ready to get to work?" Mr. Rodgers asked.

Jackson flexed both his arms and laughed, "Sure thing. Where should I start?"

"There's a few boxes in the living room that can be brought out. The boxes to the left are glass so be careful." Mr. Rodgers pointed towards his house.

After clearing out the living room, Mr. Rodgers sent Jackson upstairs to pack and carry down some boxes full of books.

"Looking a little winded there little man. Sure them muscles going to make it?" Mr. Rodgers smirked.

Sweat beading down his head, Jackson gave an uneasy smile and nodded. Too winded to even speak.

As Jackson made it down the stairs, Mr. Rodgers padded him on his back and handed him fifteen dollars.

"You've done enough for today, thank you for all your help. I can get the rest from here. Go on home and tell your mother we said goodbye."

Jackson shook his hand and headed home. When he got there he noticed his mother wasn't home yet. He walked inside and went over to his mothers desk. Sitting there tucked under a few papers was the mortgage bill. Without hesitating, Jackson ran into his room. He packed all of his games he owned and console into a back pack and headed out the door to the gaming store about fifteen minutes away. He traded in everything for two-hundred dollars, mostly from the console. It wasn't much, he knew, but at least it would help.

When he got home his mother was sitting on the couch watching tv.

"Hey mom." He said.

His mother turned the TV off and turned towards him, "Hey Jack, how'd it go at Mr. Rodgers?"

"Tiring. Lots of boxes I had to lift." He replied.

"I have something for you." She stood up and reached into her bag and handed him the game he had been wanting all along.

Jackson's eyes started to tear up as he looked down at the game. His mother just stood there and stared.

"Is something wrong, Jack? Why are you crying?" She put her hand on his shoulder.

"Mom, I seen you crying last night. I'm sorry...I just didn't know what to do. When I came home today I saw the mortgage bill. So I went and traded in for all my games and console..." Jack handed her the two-hundred dollars plus all the cash he had earned over the last week.

His mom's hands were trembling, she was speechless. She sat back down on the couch as tears began streaming down her cheeks. Jackson sat down beside her and put his arm around her.

"You shouldn't have to do this, Jack. I'm so sorry. I promise you, I'm going to make this up to you. I promise."

Jack hugged her and said, "No mom, I'm making it up to you for doing so much for me."

The END

Fucking shit.

Sometimes you never realize how much you love someone until after they've moved on, rightfully so. There was a time I took advantage of what we were. I don't know if I could even tell you what we were back then to this day. However, there is one thing I do know, we sure did have a good time. We connected with each other from day one. The first time we spoke I knew that you were someone special. I couldn't believe you wanted to talk too me, we seemed to be polar opposites but in the end we were very much alike.

As time started to go on I found you to be this amazing person, beyond just your looks. Because sweets, you were beyond gorgeous. We knew how to make each other happy. In the moments that we shared I'll never forget the feeling you gave me each time we spoke. Them are the times I still wish we had to this day.

So what happens when everything seems to be so perfect then all of a sudden you're world is crashing down around you? I wanted to blame you for everything that happen, but I couldn't. I knew it was my fault. You meant the world to me and I could never tell you. You moved on to someone else who is able to make you happy now, perhaps even more so than I did. I cant help but feel a little sad about the situation.

There are a lot of things I wish I could have done over again. Most of all, I wish I could have told you something.

I wish I could have told you I loved you before you left.

Just needed to write some more.

You're such a sad person you know that? While you're down in the dumps there is someone who is living their life as if there is no tomorrow. Why aren't you? Nothing has changed, it's the same shit every single day. As much happiness as they bring you it's still not enough. You need something more, you need something that defines you. Maybe you've already found that but in my eyes you're still a nobody. In my eyes you're weak because you won't be the person you're supposed to be. I see so much want in you it's exhausting. The want to succeed, the want to be someone important, the want to know what it's like to feel anothers embrace as if you were the only person who mattered. Think about it, isn't it overwhelming? Doesn't it hurt knowing you haven't done any of this? It's just not what you "want" it's what you need as well. The need to be important.

Let's be honest here, you're not that important. If you were to leave here tomorrow, other than your family how many others would be deeply affected by your passing? Or maybe I'm being too hard on you. Maybe you are more important than you know. Too bad you don't believe that, even though there is a high possibility that it's true. You've heard people say it, but they're so far away it's almost deafening, so far out of reach that those words are few and far between. Give it time and you will see whether or not they care for you as much as you them.

It's a shame what a persons mind will go through when they're alone. Some people are able to thrive on it, and in some ways you do. In more ways than one you have this problem. Connection, what a strange word. You don't get pissed off like a regular person, hell you can't even hide it when it's all over your face. You just say "fuck it" and move on cause that's how your brain is wired. It's hard to change that type of mind-set when you've been like that for so long. Do you care so little or too much that you don't know how to express it? Either way it's fucking up the type of person you are.

Wander around in the depths of your mind and unlock the doors to uncover this illicit facade you put on every single day while everyone thinks your okay. You're not okay. You're not the person who you want to be. I challenge you to find that person.

Look up, look in the mirror, I am you. Find me.

I just needed to write something..no title needed.

What must it take to not have to think about you anymore? I've tried ten times over and the result is always the same. I can't help but be drawn back to you. Maybe it's your eyes, your lips, or even your body. No, it's much more than that. It's not just sexual attraction, although you're one of the most beautiful girls I've ever laid my eyes upon. There is something else about you that has me racking my brain inside and out. I don't know if your words are trickery or if you really mean what you say. One night it seems too good to be true while the next is as if nothing ever happened. When I dream, I dream of you. When I'm awake, I'm thinking of you.

It's infuriating if you really think about it. I can ask myself a thousand times "Why?" and never have an exact answer. I play it over like a broken record, why I can't be the one for you, why does it have to be them? Do I not make you laugh as much as they do? Do I not show you how much you mean to me? Or is it just that, too much "I" and not enough "you." Heh, either way it probably doesn't make a difference. I should have known from the start that falling in love with you was a mistake. I can't even bring myself to call it a mistake, that's how much I care about you. As much pain as you cause me I wouldn't trade it for anything else. At least...at least it's my pain.

Maybe one day I'll learn to let go, but for now it seems as if I'll carry this burden for awhile. You probably know exactly how I feel and still ignore it. I could be angry at you, at the same time I can't blame you. I love you for who you are and I wish every night I had the guts to tell you that. I want to ask you a single question except I'm scared of the answer, scared that you'll say the very thing I don't want to hear even though every action you make already answers it. So I'll sit and talk to you, I'll love you despite the fact you ignore what I have to give, and I'll hold on to your place in my heart until the very last piece crumbles away because that is how I've built my heart around you.

Just Stay A Little While Longer

She walked up to him staring ever so soft, her touch was smooth. She ran her fingers across his chest, he never flinched or even hinted at enjoying this attention that she very rarely showed anymore. It was comforting to feel as though nothing was wrong with them. When in reality everything was. She was the one girl who could drive him wild, no matter how hard he tried to resist her seducing charm.

Everything he wanted was inside her; he longed to feel her, to really feel her. She walked behind him, pushing into his body, brushing against his neck with her lips as she whispered soft remedies. This wasn’t new or anything, she knew the right buttons to press. There wasn’t any denying it, he was into her, though even that is an understatement.

Her eyes pulled him back in as she came into view once again; she was the most beautiful creature. She creeps even closer towards him, her lips were just inches from his, and the urge to kiss her was almost irresistible. It was as if she was taunting him to seal the deal.

Something kept him from kissing her, maybe the fact if he did there would no longer be any mystery to her. As much as he hated her for being a tease, it was an intoxicating game to him. She knew, a small grin came across her; this would only maker her try harder. Entice him to the point he’d have to give into her will.

It was only a matter of time before she broke him down.

His heart was already racing; he just wanted a little taste. She ran her fingers down the right side of his face then gently across his lips. It was irresistible; he couldn’t contain himself any longer.

He had to have her.

He grabbed the back of her neck and pulled her in close, he placed his hand on her chest, and her heart was racing just as fast as his.

Maybe faster.

Her smile grew; the two of them stared at each other for what seemed to be eternity. When it had only been a few minutes. She leaned forward and whispered, “Isn’t this what you wanted? I’m yours.”

He replied, “But for how long dear? A few hours at most. You never stay for long.”

She hesitated for a moment, searching for the right words.

“I’ll stay as long as you need me. Just tell me when you’re ready for me to go,” she said.

“Never,” he thought to himself.

He couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud; she was the type to always be out of his reach. No matter how much he cared, she wasn’t meant to be his.

There's No Escaping What Has Become A Theme Of Life

It’s a cycle in his life he can’t run from, no matter where he starts or how he starts; it’ll always end up the same. Try, try, and try again he keeps telling himself. Only words to comfort him into thinking that his life isn’t completely screwed up. The last inch of hope that everyone holds onto from moment to moment. Cause remember nobody likes a quitter.

Doubts enter his mind, none that he can shed so easily. What will happen next? Will things really change? Is there someone waiting there for me? Things were so much simpler when he had an opposite of himself to converse with. To take his mind off of things that came clawing back the second they were gone. One after another, they all ended the same. So much so, he has the cycle down to a "T."

At the start, both of them were new and exciting. There was so much you didn’t know, so much you wanted to learn. Time went on. It had gotten easier, easier to be just you. No need to hold back anything now. She tells him how she feels, he tells her back. Like the joining of two metals with a hot torch they begin to creep even closer together. For awhile it seems as if nothing can stop it. There’s no one to come between the two of them.

Things are going great now, what ever doubts he had before, what ever worries. They are gone. She makes it all go away with a simple smile. The smallest gesture that means so little but means so much to him. If only it could last. If only he can just keep that image of her smile in his head, everything will be okay. Then again, nothing lasts for long. Right?

Its little things he starts to notice. A slight difference in body language, no more meaning to her words, her voice wasn’t as passionate anymore. Something’s off. Who is she? She smiles, but it’s not the same, it’s almost forced now. She needs to tell him something, on the rare occasion he has to be the first to say something.

"There’s another," She says.

He’s crushed once again. It’s not the first time, definitely not the last. He can’t help but laugh to himself, thinking about the cycle of his life. Although each time a little piece of his heart is broken, there will always someone or something that fills the void. Some bits and pieces slowly are put back together, almost like glue. It’ll keep it together for so long, after a while it’ll begin to come loose.

And so the cycle begins, again.